Voila

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Allora...

I've tried to imagine what it would be like if I was never laid off. I wonder how long it would have taken me to do something about all the things I was dying to do.

I started writing in this thing because I was given a chance to change everything and I wanted to make sure that every single day, I was doing something to get the life I've always wanted. Whether it was reading an article, researching an idea, talking to someone, writing to someone, or even just thinking. Staring at a blank text box at the end of each day forced me to keep perspective and gave me some discipline. Now I have a little time capsule of the best year of my life (so far). And a good head start.

Writing helps me figure things out. So I'm going to keep doing it, just not here. If I could stay in one place, I wouldn't be in this lovely mess now would I?

My new adventures and misadventures (and even nonadventures) need a new address. You can't go there yet. I haven't even figured out how to change the font.

Day 365

(Counting is obviously not my strong suit. It's not Day 361. It's Day 365!)

Today is my ONE YEAR ANNIVERSARY of getting laid off. I can officially say March 12, 2009 was the best day of my life. I've never liked my birthday. Not really into New Years. But I look forward to celebrating this day as long as I live. I hereby solemnly swear to go to a place I've never been before every March 12.

It changed everything. It changed me. I have more to say but I leave for MIAMI in a couple hours (I've never been) and you wouldn't know it by my empty carry-on.

What a day.

What a year.

Day 360

Had my review today at work:

I am so thrilled to have you on the team. You are only writer that's been in this position that has been able to create a voice and identity for the brand. It's smart and fresh and you knocked it out of the park. You take initiative. You are full of energy and insight. Blah, blah, blah. I'm just excited about working with you in the year ahead and I can't wait to see where we can take this brand.

BUT

The account team feels like you don't listen to them. You're like me. When you like something, everyone knows it. When you don't like something, EVERYONE knows it. It's in your face. So even when you don't say "I think you're stupid", your face says it and that's something we have to work on. They think you think they're stupid.

(They would be right.)

Day 359

That feeling that there aren't enough hours in a day, I secretly thrive off it. I think I get the most done when I have no time to do it. If that makes sense.

Day 358

I want a re-do. I want to start today over and make some new decisions.

Day 357

I'm finding my Muchness.

I think we forget it's there as we get older. Which makes it all the more important to hang out with 2.5 year olds. Their muchness is still very much in tact.

Day 356

Just completed my first paying editing gig.

Making edits. Concepting for my day job. Watching the Oscars (because I thought there'd be way more Alec). Searching for new music should I ever get my moneymaker back in the gym. And...shhhhh...installing FinalCut. You heard me. Now I just have to teach myself how to use it.

Day 355

Writing.

Day 354

I'm meeting the right people at the right time.

Day 353

Work work work work work work work. Work. Party!

Day 352

The aftershocks from the earthquake in Chile have been felt as far away as my apartment. That's the only possible explanation for the displacement of clothes from my closet. I've begun recovery efforts but it's going to take a while until things are back to normal.

Taking this opportunity to get rid of some excess baggage. If I haven't worn it in a year, it's out the door. When I got here a year and a half ago, I carefully selected every piece of furniture and accent because I saw them as an investment. I was ready to make a home and I felt a bit of attachment to my new things. Now I'm ready to sell it all and keep moving. Things are replaceable. Experiences are not. And the more stuff I have, the more I feel like I have an anchor attached to me. So I hereby pledge to stop getting new stuff, and start purging more often. And when the opportunity to go go comes knocking, I'll already be halfway out the door.

Day 351

This whole 9-5 thing is totally getting in the way of my side projects. Today I had to actually work the whole time I was at work. What! That's not supposed to happen. But I'm starting to feel good about the work I'm doing there...like I'm actually making a difference in the way we communicate the brand. And all while not really trying that hard! So everybody wins.

Left work and ran to the bartending school to meet with the owner about doing some work for him. Ended up staying for 2 1/2 hours. He told me his game plan. And his life plan. I left with my first assignment and maybe a new friend. MAYBE.

Left the school and ran home to meet Valentina and her father for one last dinner in Boston. At the Oak Room. Ooo la la I love that place. And I love those damn Italians. Must start taking Italian classes again.

Day 350

Sh*t. I found another company I MUST work for. And another reason I MUST move to ny.

It's called GrandOpening. Basically these two dudes open a new business every month in a storefront on the lower east side. From a wedding chapel to a drive-in to a dinner party to a ping pong club house.

SAY WHAT! Do they have ADD-commitment-issues-need-to-try-every-job-out-there-itis like I do? And actually figured out a way to capitalize on it?

Must investigate more slash find out how to work there.

AND AND AND! while googling them, I read that this company is a product of Kickstarter. A company that finds funding for people with ideas.

!!!!

Do you hear that my little entrepreneurial friends!

Day 349

Alas, the birthday girl's flight to ny was cancelled. She managed to make an appearance anyway.

Day 348

On the bus en route to New York. The wintery mix outside is trying to ruin my life but my bus driver ain't havin it. I should have vodka and olive juice in my bloodstream in no time.

In the mean time, I'm replying to work emails (hooray for WIFI! and being able to work remotely!), creating my sisters wedding album (holy cow she is so gorgeous!), and just got off the phone with the owner of the bartending school. Meeting on Tuesday to discuss videos, blogs, twittering and facebooking for his two companies.

Irene. I'll call you next week so we can talk shop and have a meeting of the minds.

Day 347

I'm drunk off amarone. Full off cold pizza. And my stomach hurts from hiccuping. But I have important news to report: A new job prospect and a new business idea.

Owner of the bartending school called this afternoon saying he loved the video I made for the Groupon contest and wants me to write/make videos for the bartending school and his other company. HELLO MORE FREELANCE. Guess that application wasn't a colossal waste of time after all.

And now, your feature presentation.

Yesterday I got an email from my Italian friend, Pietro. "Steph, my friends are coming to America for 18 days this summer and want to plan a west coast road trip like ours. What should they do? Where should they rent a car?" I spent a good couple hours researching possible routes, reading articles, and going through our old documents to advise.

Then last night, I'm sitting at dinner with Valentina, on the phone with a hotel because she booked the wrong date but asked me to call to fix it since she still has a bit of trouble with her English. After that I was on the phone with some company in Miami booking her "swimming with the dolphins" experience. I get off the phone and she's just staring at me, smiling.

"Steph. But why you don't open a company to help people when they come to America. You must! "

Talk about dream job. Meet foreigners, tell them to do what I like to do, help them not get completely overwhelmed, and most importantly: MEET FOREIGNERS!

I like this idea. I like it a lot. In fact, it reminds me of a company I read about before. A woman basically helps find things for super rich people to do when they move to Boston. She hooks them up with sports tix, gets them reservations at the best restaurants. Basically finds out what they enjoy and does the leg work so they don't have to.

How do I make this happen. Now. How do I become a professional video maker / foreigner meeter?

Must start by talking to this company. Maybe they will give me advice. Maybe the will just steal the idea.

Day 346

Trying Twitter. Again. I'm behind the times. When I googled "how to twitter", a tutorial video came up. The title: Hello Dumb Dumb.

Day 345

Part 2: Personal statement. CHECK.
Part 3: Video interview with a Groupon establishment. CHECK!
Part 4: A pretend blog about said establishment. NO NOT YET! I'm going as fast as I can!

Day 344

Just noticed Groupon is having a contest. Rules: You have to give up your job.

Ok ok ok there were some other rules but that's the only one I needed to hear. The contest ends in 2 days so I spent all night making a video. Need to make another one tomorrow. And write an essay. And write a blog...And recognize this is a colossal waste of time.

Day 343

RYAN. I'm waiting. You know what for. Give me an assignment. What do we do now?

BRIAN. Why you blowing up my phone today? You're supposed to leave messages that way I don't have to call you back, see. P.S. What book are you reading?

RENO. Dude. Heard about Lebanese weddings today. Rice and horses and roses and what are we waiting for?

KAT. I have a better ideaaaaaaaaaaa. When I come to Dubai....can we take a mini trip to Israel???pretty pretty PRETTY paaaleeeeeeease!

JULIO. Did you look up pastry schools?

STEVIE GSUS. Get a pattern lady.

STEPH. Start reading more and writing more and learning more NOW. Also,

• look up TOFL certification classes
• look up more Italian classes
• sign up for digital camera class
• make doctor appointment
• look up swimming with dolphins in Miami because apparently we will be crossing that off Valentina's list when we are in Miami
• book tix for nyc this weekend
• start Julie's album
• write out wedding idea and send to Reno
• real job: naming exercise for "outlet"

Day 342

By Nick Dewar

Day 341

I want to see the future.

Day 340

England, Switzerland, Algeria, France, Spain, Italy.

And me. And Salsa Thursday.

Day 339

Researching a new idea. It involves parties and foreigners. And my flip cam.

Day 338

It's REALLY hard not to be super jealous of these guys right now. Making a living by living out their wildest dreams while encouraging and helping others do the same. Shoot that's what I wanna do! Who doesn't.

A year ago I made a "bucket list" because I didn't want to wait until I was old and crusty to do all of the things I wanted to do. I wanted to do them now. I was still at my old job and every day I'd sit there, bitter because I felt like I was wasting my best years in a cubicle instead of embarking on adventures with people I know and people I don't know. I didn't want to grow old without some good stories under my belt so I made a list and tried to make everyone I know make them too so we cross things off together. I have a long way to go but I'm inspired all over again.

Here's to 4 dudes to had an incredible idea and executed it brilliantly. Here's to crossing out everything on my list and everything off my friends lists and then making a whole new list. Here's to finishing something you start. They did.

My list as of Feb '10:

run a 5k

book a trip abroad and leave on the same day

catch fireflies

write/photograph a coffee table book

go to the sundance film festival

go skinny dipping

take drum lessons

take my mom to venice

publish an article in a magazine

teach nicole how to swim

work on a vineyard

plant a garden

get a tiny tattoo on my wrist

put a prayer in the prayer wall in Jerusalem

float in the dead sea

climb mount masada

bartend (preferably in a hotel bar!)

decorate my sister's classroom

tomato fight in spain

take a dip in a hot spring

go to carnival in brazil

give a college commencement speech

ride in a canoe under a bridge

go on a photo adventure in CUBA

attend an opera in italy

catch a fish

drive a vespa

live in another country for 1 year

take cooking classes all over the world

see an aurora

hitchike

honk a horn in a semi, preferably the one i hitchike in

go white water rafting

sing in a choir at a black church

throw a block party

attend a european soccer match

ride in a helicopter

drive a helicopter

see wynton marsalis in concert

take a homeless person out to dinner

eat an oyster

wear a bikini to the beach

wear a big floppy hat to the kentucky derby and bet on a horse and drink a mint julep

learn to write my name and a note to my grandma in arabic

go on a road trip in Ireland

take a latin dance class and participate in a performance

kiss someone under the mistle toe

see a live taping of SNL

experience zero gravity

become a bone marrow donor

edit a music video (a real one)

learn how to play an entire song on the piano

take a bellydancing class

go sailing

see the nutcracker on broadway

sleep under the stars

ride a bike with a bastket in the French countryside

kiss a hot stranger in the rain

learn how to tie a man’s tie

sell a painting

cut down and decorate a real Christmas tree

ride on an elephant, a camel and a donkey (not in the same day)

smoke pot

go horseback riding on a beach

send a message in a bottle

celebrate chinese new year in china

stay at the plaza hotel in nyc

sky dive

teach in the inner city

throw a Great Gatsby party for my friends

jump off a cliff with a waterfall

take a nude drawing class

cook a thanksgiving turkey

drive the pacific coast hwy in a convertible, stop for wine in napa

attend jazzfest in new orleans

open a “third place”

finish my screenplay

become a grandma

when I have a family, make up our own set of holidays and celebrate them religiously

elope

do one of these on 11.11.11

Day 337

Fat Tuesday came early on Appleton Street. Too much gnocci and chiacchiere in honor of one phat president. And one day off.

Have not learned How to Make it in America yet, but will tomorrow. At work. After I'm done investigating this!

Day 336

I'm restless and anxious and frustrated and incomplete and bored and optimistic and thankful and loved and energized and hopeful. But most of all, I am so flippin' white. (How many more days till Miami with my two new lovely amici Italiani?)

Now if you'll excuse me, The Holiday is on cable just for me.

Day 335

I can't sleep in my bed if it's not made. I can't do work in my apartment if it's not spotless. I haven't been sleeping and I've been procrastinating BIGTIME on some freelance assignments and all my side projects.

So I cleaned. All day. Everything. I even dusted. And that only happens when people are visiting but desperate times call for desperate measures.

Now it's spotless. And it feels good. My bed is made and my sheets smell like downy. And now I have no excuse but to sleep in and get. shit. done.

Day 334

For my movie.

For the credits.

Day 333

"Working" from home.

Wondering how my boss would respond to "working from New York"...

Whittling away at some freelance assignments.

Day dreaming.

Booked flight to Miami for March.

Booked hotel in NYC for end of February.

Dinner with Valentina at my new favorite restaurant.

Counting down the days to summer dress weather...

Day 332

I'm a huge believer of If Something's Not Working, Change It.

But then there's that whole Patience thing, which admittedly has some truth to it.

I need change in a bad way (cubicle + lack of sunshine + lack of a couple other things make Steph a dull girl). But I know in order to get the life I want (in Italy), I need to serve time (in a cubicle) to save money. I know I have it pretty good at work. I know it could be a LOT worse (the mere thought of working for the company I was at this time last year gives me hives). But waiting is hard.

It's hard not to quit and go back to working 3-4 happy jobs which had me running around town, meeting new people everyday. It's hard not to quit, sell my big red couch and just move to New York, land of more concrete, more friends, more things to do and more things to see.

But I gotta keep my eyes on the prize. And be patient. And drink 8 glasses of water a day. And change little things for now until I have the bank account to change big things.

Day 331

I never ever want to stop learning.

Ever.

Day 330

8 glasses of water a day, like it's my job. One month down. On behalf of month 2, I'm throwing in the Tracy Anderson arm workout. I wonder if you have to make a pouty face for it to work.

Day 329

You win some. You lose some.

Day 328

And some days I just want to be a mom.

Day 327

Tricep curls and treadmills. Then cubicles and secret freelance work. Then wine tasting and chit chat. Then steak frites and foreigners. Then a cold walk home, a warm apartment. And 80s movies on TV. I'll take it.

Day 326

I'm always the first one out the door come 5 o'clock. It's not my fault I finish my work fast. I've worked plenty of all-nighters in my day, I've put in the face-time and I've asked for extra work and more responsibility when I had downtime. That's what you had to do to get ahead. But I'm not interested in getting ahead here. I took this latest job solely to tread water. To save money while I explore my other interests DURING my 9-5. Make no mistake, there's no way I'm spending a minute more than I have to in a cubicle. Not anymore.

Today, after I totally fell on my ass going to sit down on my ergonomic chair that I assumed was behind me, but was not, one of my co-workers made a joke about how I could sue for workman's comp. Heck yeah, sign me up! I exclaimed, still in tears laughing from the fall. To which he laughed and replied, ha, you'd do anything to get out of working.

Correction. You silly little man. I like working. In fact, I LOVE working. But all work is not created equal. This kind of mindless, empty work is for suckers. I didn't drink the kool-aid at the last three big corporate companies I worked at, and I'm not going to start now. You're satisfied here, even though you've stopped learning, stopped growing, stopped trying and even while knowing that nothing you do all day long makes any positive impact whatsoever on anyone. You do the bare minimum and do it without a hint of passion. You've accepted that a job is just job and you've chosen to spend the rest of your life complacent because it's easier than the alternative. And you're the better employee because you stay until 6 or 7? Puh-lease. Your the last person I'd want at my company.

Day 325

Got an email today from the fashion start-up I've freelanced for on and off for the past 3 years. New assignments on the way! YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS! More ways to entertain myself at work. More cashmoney for all the holidays I plan to take this year. More summer dresses in my future.

Day 324

It's review time at work. After sitting in an hour-long meeting about how to fill out my personal assessment and listening to some she-man wave her arms around as to engage us worker-bees while throwing out words like "the organization" and "talent-driven company" like they were going out of style...I returned to my desk to search for the email from HR that I am to fill out by Friday.

It's asking for my goals.

1. Get better at faking my enthusiasm for my role in the company's growth.

2. Do not tell the person who invites me to meetings that are irrelevant to me that I don't like meetings when he asks why I look so unenthused. Well, don't do it again at least.

3. Bring more projects to work so I don't snack on the free popcorn and m&ms at 3pm when I've been to the end of the world wide web and back and need something to get me to 4:59pm.

4. Do not start sentences with "I hate".

5. Do NOT, under any circumstances, be working here by the time next review season rolls around and it's time to re-evaluate my goals.

Day 323

A little inspiration as I plan my great escape. A blog started by friends of a friend planning the same adventure I hope to take in a year or so, should I figure out how to get a work visa. "Lucia" found a man that is willing to drop everything to chase her around the world for a year. She found someone to get lost with. Get tongue tied with. Get over her head with. Get mesmerized with. Get overwhelmed by the generosity and spirit of people they encounter with. I'm impressed. I need to find one of those.

A little more inspiration. Impossible is nothing, right Adidas?!

Day 322

I love living in a city where I can get where I'm going on two feet. I love it a lot.

Day 321

Winter is kicking my ass.

Day 320

What did people do at work before there was internet?

Day 319

I have home video competition. 

Day 318

As I walked out my door today, I noticed the little market across the street was closed. As I walked closer I could see the shelves were bare and there was a sign in the window. My heart sunk. This little market always came to my rescue when I needed eggs or maple syrup, an olive loaf or a coke. More importantly it was a good, great place and one of the very reasons I wanted to live on this street to begin with. I loved that it was the first thing I saw when I left in the morning. I didn't mind waiting a couple extra minutes to pay for my milk because the cashier was chatting with a regular, instead it made me feel warm inside. And jealous that they didn't know my name yet.

(that's my apartment in the reflection of the goodbye note)

What are the chances this wonderful, intimate little space is NOT going to turn into a bank kiosk?

I wish I could buy it and turn it into something cool. And hang out there all day instead of an over-airconditioned, over-caffinated, understimulated office. 

Think Steph, think!

Day 317

Started reading The Language of Baklava. It's a memoir with recipes about "raising an Arabic dad in America". 

Bud learns English not from books but from soaking in the language of work, of the shops, of the restaurants after arriving in this country. I don't know how he learns to hail strangers but whenever my father needs directions--which is frequently--he flags down men and women alike with the same greeting: "Hey Bud!" I grow up thinking of all Americans as Bud--even though my father's name is Ghassan Saleh Abu-Jaber, he becomes the original bud.

Bud misses the old country so much, it's like an ache in his blood. On his days off he cooks and croons in Arabic about missing the one you love. I ask him whom he misses, and he ponders this and says, "I don't know, I just do."

Day 316

I like lists. I love them. Sometimes I'm physically unable to do something unless I write it down first. And crossing things off feels damn good. Whether my mission is to pick up bananas or take a dip in the Mediterranean, naked...seeing something on paper makes it seem totally doable. Brian makes lists too.

Day 315

A love letter to my ugly friend Brian:

Underground Dining. Tell me what I have to do to help you make this happen and I will do it. Go.

Read this.

And this.

And this. 

And this too.

Why should you do this:

10. Because I told you to.

9. Because you will meet interesting people.

8. Who have interesting jobs.

7. Who could give you interesting ideas.

6. Or opportunities.

5. Plus you can test the recipes going in our book.

4. And make new friends because quite frankly I'm not thrilled with the ones you have. 

3. And because you would luff it. And have fun. And lets face it you'd love all the attention.

2. It will give you street cred when you go to open your own restaurant.

1. And lastly, BECAUSE I WANNA COME OVER FOR DINNER GOSH DARNIT!

Day 314

My best friend Fadi moved to Abu Dhabi about a week ago to design yachts. He is literally living his wildest dream and it would be impossible for me to be more proud of him than I am right now. His fiance will join him in a couple of weeks and they will begin an exciting whirlwind life together in the middle east. I couldn't build a more perfect woman for my Fadi than Kateri. He and I have spent a LOT of time talking about our favorite topic. Love. And his favorite topic. Marriage. I know who he is inside and out and Kat is at once, both everything he's always wanted and everything he's always needed. I've always thought whoever he ended up with would truly be the luckiest girl in the world but in this case, he is just as lucky.

It was hard enough living in a different city as Fadi, now we live in entirely different worlds. So I asked Kat to do me a HUGE favor when they move. Start a blog to record their day to day adventures and shrink the distance between us a bit.

And voila. This is just one of the many reasons that I love her.

Day 313

AM workout. 

9-5. 

8 glasses of water. 

Wine shop. 

Dessert and champagne with my friend Valentina and new friend Ilaria (who is the Italian version of moi). 

Day 312

My google document called MOVIE has officially been shared with my smarter and wiser and careful-er future NYU film school alumni. I will wait to hear from him for next steps. In other news I did NOT go to the gym this morning and I did not go tonight. There's just no leaving my warm apartment once I'm inside. 

Day 311

Uh oh. The day I have not been waiting for has arrived. Got my first tax statement in the mail. I don't remember what I ate for lunch let alone all the places I've worked this year. My taxes are going to be a disaster, which means those mutants at H&R Block are going to charge me a fortune to do them. I don't mind paying taxes, in fact I like taxes. They are responsible for all sorts of fun stuff. I DO hate paying to pay taxes. The whole idea is crazy. Pay money to pay money. How come we haven't found a way to eliminate this greazy middleman who hasn't seen daylight since last April and appears this time each year to charge me $200 for asking 7 yes or no questions and stock up on dungeons and dragons paraphernalia. 

And don't tell me to do it online. Because if you've lived in more than one state, those fancy online programs will try to ruin your life. Why can't the government just take the correct amount of money from my paycheck? 

Day 310

Editing, editing, editing. I'm totally going to be an editor in my next life, HOffesionally. And I'm totally going to have Final Cut on my computer instead of this P.O.S. iMovie.

P.S. EVERYONE needs a Flip camera...

Day 309

Early morning workout. Giant purple snowflakes. Billy Holiday records. Naps. Soup. A google document called MOVIE that got a little fatter. My favorite day off ever. Thank you MLK, and not for my day off. 

We may have all come on different ships, but we're in the same boat now.
Martin Luther King, Jr.

Day 308

Another day. Another line at airport security. But only after another loud and crazy and wonderful breakfast with the Chaldeans. I wish I could have my cake and eat it to. I wish I could see them more and still see the world. 

Day 307

I had about 8 glasses of wine today. That's the same as 8 glasses of water, right?

All because two of the best people I know got married. The day was intimate and personal and colorful from beginning to end. And there were a few moments that I want to save here in my blog...since this is where I saved all of my other favorite experiences from this past year. 

Nick might have the best, warmest, cutest stories of anyone I've ever met. To the point where you almost don't believe them. From saving a one-eyed-cat from his sure demise and adopting him, to the story about how his family gives a special toast each Thanksgiving to honor the taxi driver who took his grandfather home with him for Thanksgiving dinner the day he arrived in America from Italy with nothing, not even the location of his relatives. 

After today, he has even more stories to add to the pile. Each member of the wedding party was given a bottle of wine he and his grandfather (who passed away) made 23 years ago for Nick's wedding.

Instead of having the best man and maid-of-honor give a speech, Nick decided to take a nod from an Irish wedding he had attended and he and Nicole gave a speech about their wedding party and explained the reasons why each person was chosen to stand next to them on this day. I don't think there was a dry eye there.

Lastly, his new wife rose a glass to him. And there wasn't just any old wine inside. It was a bottle he showed her on their first date, after he made her dinner, and told her then that they would drink it on their wedding day. 

Day 306

Wedding rehersaling. I still think it's amazing how the love between two people can bring so many other people together. I mean that in the least cheesy and cliche way possible. There's something so cool about  sharing an intimate moment with people you would have never crossed paths with had it not been for the two people getting married. I realized this for the first time at my brother's engagement party and again at my sister's wedding. I remember stepping outside everything for a moment, watching people dance and laugh and embrace people they'd never met before. I remember how drastically my first impression of some had changed by the end of the night, after sharing a meal and a drink and a dance floor. I remember watching my sister's American in-laws pinky to pinky with our family as the DJ played arabi music, thinking that the moment added something to their lives, even taught them something...and witnessing it added something to mine.

For this reason alone, I shouldn't be so hard on weddings and marriage, huh?

Day 305

Wrote character descriptions ALL day. No matter how much I say my job sucks, don't believe me. Because it's awesome. I just need to fly under the radar for another 9-12 months. I wish there was a way to negotiate my hour since I run through all my assignments so quickly. Like work 20 hours a week instead of 40 so I could make time for another "fun" job. But then I run the risk of them putting me on more projects and losing my valuable free time. More work and no play would make Steph MORE bored.

Day 304

Since my internet has been off and on lately, instead of calling the worthless customer service desk at comcast to complain (again), i've been reading more. Finished a book called "Honeymoon With My Brother". And by finish, I meant I skimmed right down to the last page. I love travel memoirs because besides feeling inspired after reading them, I always learn something new about a place. But this one was painful to get through. The author is a right-wing opportunist and as I read about his adventures (a honeymoon around the world with his brother after his fiance called off the wedding), I couldn't help imagining this big, entitled tool galavanting around, trying to get laid in as many time zones as possible. He tries to be clever. He tries to be inspiring. But all I think is TOOL. TOOL. TOOL. Once I finished that, I went back to my book on screenwriting and promised to work on it all day at work today. I can't say I made much progress but I DID create a google document called MOVIE so I can share it with my movie mentor Mr. Carmichael as soon as I finish organizing all the information. 

Day 303

Gig Economy. Everyone's doing it.

Day 302

Sometimes I don't feel like thinking about the future. 

Day 301

Got Cuba on the mind...

Day 300

Go Detroit! Go small businesses! Go young people!

Day 299

A Good, Great Place...

Day 298

During the the 28th year of my life, I resolve to drink 8 glasses of water a day. I think it will solve everything. 

Two more to go!

Day 297

We will look for any excuse to eat cake. Tonight we celebrated the epiphany. And Jesus. And my looming 28th birthday with tons of wine, tons of lasagna and tons of this amazing Jesus Cake. It was super delicious and so was the company. I'm a lucky girl.

 

 

And QUEEN for the night! 

Day 296

My childhood best friend left this morning after our week long reunion. Our friendship is 17 years old. I guess there IS something I can do for a long time after all.  

Day 295

My little Italian friend and fellow roadtrippin fool, Pietro, wrote a bit ago to tell me his friend Valentina was coming to Boston for English classes and asked me to answer some questions she had about the city.

Today I met her face to face, and met another character in my screenplay.

Valentina is a 27 year old girl from Napoli. After a 7 year relationship and an engagement, her fiance called off the wedding. She's never been on a first date. Before Antonio was her boyfriend, he was her best friend. He ended their "story", so she decided to begin a new one. The only place she could imagine this new start was America. She thinks perfecting her English will help her find a job in wedding planning.

When asked why she choose Boston, she said because she loves small cities and it's close to New York. And she's always wanted to have breakfast at Tiffany's, just like Audrey. End scene.

Day 294

What should I do with my life?

Day 293

Last night over dinner, my friend Anya made some remark about how she is a kid at heart. Our new friend Barry agreed he too is a kid at heart. I sat there for a second, thinking about my heart...and whether it was a kid. I'm pretty sure it's not. In fact I'm fairly certain I'm an old lady at heart. So I admitted it to the table. While I love idea of being a kid at heart, I'd be posing if I said I was. Less playful and more serious. BORING. Just as the realization of my old granny heart began to sink in, Anya said something that made me feel so much better (cuz it's so true!).

She said Capricorns get younger as the get older. They start out very serious and responsible as children and as they get older, they get sillier. They loose some of their inhibitions and feel younger with each year.

Day 292

2009 was the best year of my life.  I did things I never thought I'd do. Saw places I've always wanted to see. Met people I've always wanted to meet. Tried things I've always wanted to try. But the more I cross of my list, the longer it gets. 

I can't imagine a better way to end one decade and begin a new one.

Day 291

"And in the end it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years."
Abraham Lincoln

Day 290

Just picked my childhood best friend up from the airport. She will be gracing Boston with her presence for a week! I've seen her only once in the past 11 years since I moved from San Diego but it feels like we've seen each other every day since. She's amazing! And I think my last single girlfriend. My job for the next 6 days is to convince her to move here. And quit lawyering. And move to Italy with me!

Day 289

Sat next to a girl on the plane today, on my way back to Boston. Think Miley Cirus in a few years, in her first year of law school.

She asked me if I'm in school but I explained that I'm semi-retired and dipping my feet into various...uh...things. WHOA THAT'S SO COOL she exclaimed in a deep raspy excited voice only Billy Ray could appreciate. When I asked her what she did, she told me she's in her first year of law school but it's not going as she planned and she's not sure if that's the career for her.

The expert career changer I've become, I told her that having a law degree doesn't mean you have to practice law. And once she's done, if she gives it a whirl and hates it, then she can just try something new. She said, yeah, you're right. But that would be a waste of time and money. 

Is it?? I kind of disagree. Pursuing one interest can lead to other interests that you didn't know you had. And it could make you more appealing to prospects in a way you hadn't imagined. The wine shop I work at wasn't hiring and I know ZERO anything about wine but she thought my advertising/writing background could be an asset to the store so she hired me. 

So I told Miley not to worry about law being right, but to just keep an open mind about how to use what she learned. 

Then she said, well I do want to make a lot of money, but I'm a babysitter right now and I baby-sit for all these super rich moms that don't work, and don't really watch their kids, because I do that part, and then I think now THAT is awesome. Sometimes I just want to marry someone really rich and be a housewife. But you can't really plan that. It just has to happen. So for now I guess I'll just finish law school.

Day 288

Took my mom, sister and godmutha out to see It's Complicated. Now I want to take a pastry class in Paris and learn how to make chocolate croissants and croque monsieur and MACAROONS!

RENO!!! Let's go! And film the pilot for our cooking around the world show!

Tamales in Cuernavaca

Pasta in Tuscany

Pastries in Paris

Paella in Madrid

Cousous in Morocco

Pierogis in Poland

Etc

Etc

Etc

 

Day 288

Slumber party with the triplets!

Day 287

'Twas the night after Christmas...and my best friend's bachelorette party. Out of 10 women, I was the only one single, and one of the only ones sans kids. But you wouldn't know it by the way they were swinging from the poles, dry humping the ceiling of the party bus, motorboating eachother's boobs, and grinding on unsuspecting club-goers. 

Day 286

Food. Coma. 

Day 285

Played Monopoly until 6 in the morning.

Day 284

Today while helping my grandma prepare for Christmas, she told me she hopes the economy gets better here so I can find a good job at home and come back. I said, Nana, I don't ever want to move back to Michigan, to matter how great the economy is. She said, "I know I know, you just want to see everything. I hope you find a husband who will take you to a new place everyday." Yeah, me too lady!

Day 283

Hmmmmm where am I going to go with my FOURHUNDREDANDTWENTYFIVEDOLLARVOUCHER from US Airways (for volunteering to leave on a later flight)! I spent all afternoon daydreaming at the Philadelphia airport about my next holiday...when I wasn't filming the all the misfits at my gate with my Flip. Holy stuck in 1989. I've never seen so many nylon track suites in my life. 

Day 282

In a nutshell...

Day 281

Cleaning.
Packing.
Organizing.
Watching the snow fall.
Watching bad movies.
Thinking about the people I love.
Thinking about the new year.

Day 280

Just noticed a post on facebook from a guy I went to elementary school with and it read: just increased the house payment for next year; 19 more years and she's all mine.

I made a face when I read that then realized I was making a face THEN realized I have a little too much in common with G. Clooney in Up in the Air. (Sans the not loving people part. I love me some people…most of the time.)

It’s not that I think buying a house is wrong, it’s what you’re “supposed to do”. I like the idea of making memories in a place and having neighbors and a garden and a tree that you watch grow bigger every year. But shoot, when I saw that facebook update, I can’t help thinking it sounds like jail! I can’t imagine staying in one place for 20 years. It’s one thing to end up someplace for 20 years but k n o w i n g exactly what you're going to be doing for the next 20 years scares the bejesus out of me. Does this mean I’m not a grown up? I am 27 and have absolutely zero desire to commit to anything. I didn’t even like signing a 3-year lease for my car. I have trouble committing to plans for the weekend! A menu with too many options, forgettaboutit.

C’est la vie.

Day 279

 Are you nuts?

Day 279

Today one of my old bosses passed away. He was a machine. Intense. The man came to work on the Saturday his sister passed away to work on a new business pitch. I don’t know too much about his life besides that he was a former attorney/litigator and he ran marathons almost every year. I do know he was warmer than he appeared and kinder than most people realized. And I’m thankful to have gotten to see that side of him.

When I first started working at that agency, my first real job after school, I was a bit intimidated by all creative directors and generally anyone with a super long job title. The beauty of entry level and being the bottom of the bottom at a company is you have full access to e v e r y o n e. I had to order their food, collate their photocopies, dial the phone numbers for their calls, wait for them to sign things, bubble wrap their boards for meetings. I did my share of whining about leaving at 3am and 4am and 5am but it was always those nights that I stayed late that I learned the most and had the most fun. At 2 in the morning, people’s true colors start to show. They tell you stories, they talk smack, they complain, they joke, they yell, they laugh. They seem human. And not so scary after all. Three companies later, the intimidation is long gone. My filter---nonexistent. I couldn’t kiss an ass if I tried. I learned you don’t need to to get respect or get ahead. And if I ever do, I’m in the wrong place.

Day 278

Testing Brian's recipes. They good. They real good.

Day 277

Just saw the movie Up In the Air and I'm SO mad! George was brilliant. Not mad at George. But damn Gina, two of the things I knew I wanted for my movie (ok ok my word document on my desktop titled: movie) happened in the first 5 seconds of the film!

Bookmarked this student portfolio over the summer when I first got the idea for the film because I LOVED this title sequence and thought it was perfect for my concept. Now it is the exact treatment used in Up. Then, THEN, to make matters worse, guess what song serenaded the sliding images!!! Oh, just a funky remix of This Land Is Your Land, This Land Is My Land. Did I not JUST say a funky remix of that song must be in my movie. Did they not read my mind before editing that film??? And consider that someday I might need those???

There were no foreigners in the movie. Thank GOD.

Day 276

I want things that are bad for me. 

Day 275

Fondue Party!

Day 274

Today I got a Christmas card in the mail. First, I LOVE getting mail. I really do. I'm beside myself with excitement whenever I see my name printed in handwriting. But I'm not gonna lie, the Christmas card sucked! A generic message signed by (it's a secret). No extra message or update or pictures. It just seemed so impersonal and expected.

I don't blame (it's a secret) for his/her holiday greeting. There's a reason I don't send out Christmas cards, I never find any that I like! Pickings are slim.

So now I have another mission. Next year I'm making my own Christmas cards. And they aren't going to be some Martha Stewart garbage either. They're going to be cool. Be excited.

Day 273

My old student, the anthropologist, wrote today asking me to correct her application letters for a teaching position at one of the universities here in Boston. She is desperately trying to find a job here where her husband, a Brazilian diplomat, is stationed. She has lived in Brazil, Mexico, France, Algeria and now the US. Speaks Portuguese, Spanish, French and is hard on herself for not speaking perfect English after being in America for a year.

Every 3-5 years, her husband relocates to a new country. Each time, she has to learn a new language, acclimate their 3 children to their new environment, then try to find work in the field in which she earned a PhD. By the time she does, they are on their way to the next country and she starts from scratch. Again.

You know me, I hear her story and get stars in my eyes, thinking only about the romantic side of it. Every few years a new country and a new life. New interesting people, new homes, new friends, new experiences. Kids fluent in 4 languages. A long resume including stints in UNESCO, guest lecturing and volunteer work in various poverty stricken communities. A 20-year marriage with man she considers to be her best friend and who shares her passion for travel and improving the lives of others.

But she’s made it clear to me over many coffees that it’s not as glamorous as it all sounds. She got married at 20 and at 40, she feels like she’s lived her whole life for her husband and children, putting a career she is so passionate about on hold to accommodate them and their needs. She has no regrets but at the same time is ready to live for herself. Even if that means divorcing her husband and best friend in the whole world. Her biggest complaint against him: He has become more of a roommate than a romantic partner. (Join the club lady, you sound like 95% of the married woman I know!)

While I felt sad after hearing all this, my visions of this perfect power couple with whirlwind globetrotting lives—shattered, I was reminded once again…no matter what your nationality or culture or religion, or how different our lives may seem, we’re all just people. And when it comes down to it, we all have the same problems and fears and hopes and anxieties.

I think I just accidentally wrote one of the the character descriptions for my movie. Who needs fiction when real life is so interesting!

Day 272

Hi Everyone:

I would like to take a small group to lunch on Thursday to brainstorm some miscellaneous topics regarding our biz – if interested please be one of first six to respond.

Thanks,
[From our CEO]

I'd rather have my wisdom teeth out again. A mouth full of blood would be easier to swallow than your koolaid pal. After not responding at all to this email, I had the pleasure of going to the elevator at the exact same time the chosen 6 and our CEO embarked on their super special lunch date. In fact, even after I said, go ahead, I'll catch the next one, they were nice enough to insist I join them in the already cramped elevator. In the very middle. That was the longest 25 seconds of my life.

Day 271

After wasting 9 solid hours of my life at my real job, I went to work at the wine shop. I usually only work Friday nights now unless we have a special event. Tonight was our Tuscan Abbondanza. To be honest, I didn't feel like going. My jacket was still wet from the devil rain this morning that killed my very last umbrella and so were my socks. I just wanted to go home. But then I get there and I don't know what it is about being behind a counter and shooting the shizz with strangers and acquaintances, but I live for it. Today was especially great. Usually I leave after the tastings, because I'm a dork and always anxious to get home at the end of a long day, but tonight I stayed. Buzzed off Sangiovese and olives, we all sat around finishing the remaining juice from the night talking marinara recipes and roast beast and rock and roll and other stuff that doesn't matter. And I just had one of those weird moments when you realize you got something you really wanted. How many times did I pass by this wine shop on my way to my "real" job wishing I was going to work there instead. How many times did I see the people inside hanging out, drinking wine in the middle of the day in that tiny Italian hole in the wall and wish I could go inside and play. And now I do. And now those people are my friends and the neighborhood feels a little smaller and more personal and my own. For the first time in my post-college career, I work a place I genuinely care about. I'm down to a few hours a week now but those few hours remind me that that is how work should feel. 

Day 270

Went to a pop-up screening of Lemonade tonight. A documentary about people in the ad industry who get laid off and subsequently pursue things they are passionate about.

When I first saw the trailer a while back, I was a bit skeptical. Think the music had a lot to do with it. Seemed a little heavy on the sob story and there's nothing more annoying than listening to people feel sorry for themselves. It gets to the "makin' lemonade" later, but by then I'm already a bit checked out.

That did not stop me from seeing the film. While I was a few minutes late, I did catch the crux of it and I could relate to just about everything each person featured talked about.

Not looking for a job, looking for something interesting to do. 

Realized when you're doing the right thing, things just fall into place. The perfect person comes along, the perfect opportunity, the perfect solution. (To me, that part is less about luck and more about attitude. It's amazing what happens when you keep an open mind, when you put yourself in situations that bring you a step closer to what you want, when you start meeting new people who enlighten your or help you in ways you never would have imagined).

When you start doing things you love, everyday feels like the weekend. And it's true! Not once did I look at the clock at my other jobs, even though I was working more than 40 hours a week. Now that I have a new job I find myself counting the minutes until 5pm on Friday, just like a robot, just like I used to do and I think it's kind of pathetic. It's not because I don't like to work. I actually really love working. I just think 9-5, mon-fri is an antiquated system that is less about efficiency and more about social acceptance. All I know is, if you told people they could leave when they finished their work, or spend time on their own projects, I guarantee it wouldn't take them 9 hours to get the job done. But where's the incentive to be efficient when you can't leave until 5 anyway?

You don't have to lose your job to do the things you love. You just have to make the time and the effort. Which is hard when you don't have time, but not impossible. You just have to keep taking babysteps. Doing little things that bring you closer to what you want.

Getting laid off was the highlight of their career. I've said the exact same thing. The thing about the ad business is we are in the business of communication. And communication is necessary no matter where you go from there or what you do after. In advertising, we learn how to talk to people, how to create, how to think, how others think. We learn about art and we learn about business. Then we learn how to take all of that and use it to communicate an idea. Which means when we go off to start our own business or launch our own projects, we already have an important set of skills under our belts and resources that we never would have had, had we not worked in advertising. So it's not all a waste.

And the comment I agreed with most of all: Getting laid off from advertising is awesome.

This movie didn't make me look at my situation or experience any differently. I didn't need someone to tell me to pursue my passions, or find them. I didn't need a pep talk. I assume a lot of people don't. At the same time, I assume a lot of people do. And for that, I think it's a fantastic film and endeavor. At a time when unemployment is skyrocketing and people are seeing everything they worked for slide through the cracks, it's nice to be reminded that "it's not a pink slip, it's a blank page".

Anyone who finds a way to do what they love is my hero. Still, the people most inspiring to me are the ones who didn't wait for the pink slip. I want to see a movie about people who quit the jobs that left them unfulfilled or kept their jobs but used every moment of their free time to work on their side projects until they manifested. Those stories strike me (and excite me) the most.

Day 269

Worked on Project Cookbook ALL day. Now if BRIAN would get his bum back in the kitchen, we could have a good thing goin. Maybe. Probably.

Day 268

I want to go back in time. 

Day 267

Gym then books and movies all day. I tried to leave my apartment but two blocks in, the mini blizzard brewing outside ate my umbrella. And my spirit. I turned around. Defeated, sopping wet, all covered in giant snowflakes. At least I tried.