Day 273

My old student, the anthropologist, wrote today asking me to correct her application letters for a teaching position at one of the universities here in Boston. She is desperately trying to find a job here where her husband, a Brazilian diplomat, is stationed. She has lived in Brazil, Mexico, France, Algeria and now the US. Speaks Portuguese, Spanish, French and is hard on herself for not speaking perfect English after being in America for a year.

Every 3-5 years, her husband relocates to a new country. Each time, she has to learn a new language, acclimate their 3 children to their new environment, then try to find work in the field in which she earned a PhD. By the time she does, they are on their way to the next country and she starts from scratch. Again.

You know me, I hear her story and get stars in my eyes, thinking only about the romantic side of it. Every few years a new country and a new life. New interesting people, new homes, new friends, new experiences. Kids fluent in 4 languages. A long resume including stints in UNESCO, guest lecturing and volunteer work in various poverty stricken communities. A 20-year marriage with man she considers to be her best friend and who shares her passion for travel and improving the lives of others.

But she’s made it clear to me over many coffees that it’s not as glamorous as it all sounds. She got married at 20 and at 40, she feels like she’s lived her whole life for her husband and children, putting a career she is so passionate about on hold to accommodate them and their needs. She has no regrets but at the same time is ready to live for herself. Even if that means divorcing her husband and best friend in the whole world. Her biggest complaint against him: He has become more of a roommate than a romantic partner. (Join the club lady, you sound like 95% of the married woman I know!)

While I felt sad after hearing all this, my visions of this perfect power couple with whirlwind globetrotting lives—shattered, I was reminded once again…no matter what your nationality or culture or religion, or how different our lives may seem, we’re all just people. And when it comes down to it, we all have the same problems and fears and hopes and anxieties.

I think I just accidentally wrote one of the the character descriptions for my movie. Who needs fiction when real life is so interesting!